Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize