i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
