How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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