no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
