I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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