in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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