quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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