Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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