I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
