id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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