Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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