Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize