Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
