Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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