What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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