why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
