Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize