I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
