i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
