toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
