My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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