I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
