You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
