Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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