No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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