I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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