I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
