I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
