I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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