You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and she was petting her beer can
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
