I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
