i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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