I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just tell him i said nine months
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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