textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This house was built for laser tag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize