You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize