Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
