btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize