i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
