I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
