I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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