Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
