i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
