I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
