His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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