That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
