im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
