i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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