There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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