Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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