I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
