omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
