I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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