Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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