she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
