1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
