I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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