Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
