I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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