covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
