I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize