he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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