I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am naked and annoyed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
