fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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