lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize