she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
