theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
