Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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