She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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