mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
