Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
