Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
