thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
