pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
