There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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