Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
