The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
