it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
