I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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