so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
