I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
