Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
