'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
