I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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