i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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