oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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