What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
