The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize