I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
