while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
