he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
