I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
