i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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