you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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