I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
