all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
