I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
