What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
wow bdsm is so cute
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
