PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
