Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
