Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
