porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
