We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
