I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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