Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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