Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
