cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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